Need to stop!

Ok, the truth is, I still beat myself up because of the mistakes I made. Yes, everyone falls; no one is perfect. But I still judge myself too much. And I am perfectly aware that it stops me from loving God and other people with my entire heart, I've done so many mistakes and I constantly feel like I deserve all these troubles and that God is and forever will be disappointed with me. Of course, I know it's all a lie, but I just couldn't help it. I feel it, and I blog it down.

At times, I feel like I can overcome anything hurled at me, but some of the times, the only thing I'm hanging onto is His Word and promises that I hope will be real some day.

I need strength, please God. Bring me through this. I feel so alone. It really isn't easy, but I know I will get over it. The question is, when?

One thing I thank God for: amazing Christian bloggers. :)

Glorified weakness

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Day 27. Every day is a challenge. There no consistency. One day I'm perfectly fine handling my troubles and issues, the other I just want to stay home, turn up the A/C, cuddle in bed and sleep until dinner. But at the end of the day, my Heavenly Father was always there for me. Blessed me with friends and family, with things that half of the kids in this world are no fortunate enough to own -- even though I don't get whatever I want, and sustaining me physically and mentally.

But still, I've been 'off' for 27 days now. Not a day is gone without thinking about it, how I screwed up. I feel so ashamed of it, to embarrassed to tell anyone besides a friend that have already went through what I am facing. I've prayed and ask God why. Was it me? Was it that person fault?

And it hit my today. The Bible says that in our downfall, God is being glorified. When I first meditated on the verse, God seems kinda cruel. One way God is glorified is to put us into embarrassment. And wham! Revelation. It all comes down to our human pride. You see, I cannot lose control of any situation. I need to be constantly in control. And when things go out of hand, not only everything I do goes down, but my pride goes down with me too. I hide and wouldn't let people see or know how vulnerable I am in that time.

God does not judge us. When we fall, all He wants us to do is to run back to Him. Lay in His embrace, let His peace comfort us. How would He work in us and teach us, if we don't fall? It is only through my weaknesses that His glory is made whole in my life. It is through the mistakes I made that I would feel His grace and mercy surrounding me, and because of my Father, I am a stronger person, spiritually and mentally.

He is still working on me. I am still in the process of true healing and experiencing perfect peace. And all I need was His Word and assurance to carry me through. So in the future, He will be glorified when I use what I faced and conquered to help somebody. Another life touched.