You'll be in my heart.
Dear Ryan. Yes, you! I'm addressing it to you! It's my turn to write you a note.
Ok, I gotta fess up that I was mad. I was really really mad at you that Tuesday. I was in the computer lab doing my work, when Jamie ran in telling me that it will be your first day there. I was surprise cause you said you were going there just to do your placement test and I was gonna see you the nest day. I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say, so shocked that it slowly slipped in anger. You didn't text me, you didn't even call me. And I was waiting for your call or even a message for the whole time. Nothing came. I was even madder. I swear I was gonna blow my top off. I don't blame you for it, I know things like this just happen. But I thought I was gonna be the first one to know. You texted Jamie you didn't even drop me a message. We're best friends. Aren't I suppose to be the first one to get the news. I know, I know it's something small, no need to get worked up on . But it really meant something to me, hello, I was gonna lose my best friend and I don't even know about it, you know what I'm saying? Oh don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against Jamie and I love her so very dearly. So, I decided to gave you a cold shoulder. Since you didn't bother about me, I didn't wanna bother you either. That time of silence also gave me sometime to think things out. You're my best friend, and I'm yours. At least I think.You should know me well enough to know how I felt. I didn't wanna reply your text cause I know if I reply you, Imma bomb you and it will be uncorrectable, I was afraid I was gonna ruin everything and I don't wanna lose us. So I remain silent even though I was dying a slow death inside of me, so wanting to talk to you and ask you what happen and how was your day. Night came and guess what, I finally cracked. I just couldn't take it anymore. I cried. I cried my guts out. I wasn't mad anymore. I know I couldn't stand being mad at you any longer. I felt really lonely and I was worried. So I just burst out in tears. I realize I was actually gonna lose a close friend and a brother. I never grew up with a best friend. My friends just come and go and I thought we were gonna be best friends till we get really old. I was preparing for your farewell in May, I totally didn't not expect this at all. It was hard. Who is gonna go out with me for lunch? Who is gonna lend me their iPod to watch Glee? Whose food am I gonna heat up with mine for lunch? Who am I gonna play volleyball with? Who is gonna update me about Hope? Who am I gonna make up scientific names for other people with? Who's house am I gonna go to after any vents? Who's gonna talk about Glee with me? Who is gonna download Whale Wars for me? Whose post-it notes am I gonna borrow? Who is gonna send me mysterious parcels to me doorstep? Who is gonna give me gifts that meant the world to me even though it was awkward? Who is gonna complain to be about there brothers? Who is gonna teach me LA? Who is gonna stalk Mr. X with me? Who is gonna show me cartoon fruits? Who is gonna tell me about your adventures in Johor? Who is gonna buy me glow sticks? Who am I gonna pass notes to? Who am I gonna text every night about our day in school? I know there is still Facebook and outings and etc. But its never gonna be the same again. You know I love you so dearly. You were there for me when I needed you. You were there to hear me crap about how people's face piss me off. I would want you to do your best in everything cause you're my best friend. So I'm sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to leave you alone when you needed me. I don't want it to become like David and me so I'm telling you this. So I send you all me love as you move into something new. New studies, new teachers, some new friends and a whole new environment . Go make new friends, new best friends. So you can tell them about our stories and how awesome we were. And down the road the next 5 years, when we go out, and if things get awkward between us (which never happens normally), I want you to know that I don't talk to you doesn't mean I hate you or got fed up with you or anything, like what I said, things will never be the same again, but you would know that I still love you so much and does reminisce both good and bad times we had. You and I both know that it's close to impossible to keep up with a friendship when the other person is not there to go through it with you.And yes, don't even think of forgetting what my dream wedding is. You better keep the promise of becoming my planner. Wish you all the best. Ahh, tip of the day: Don't let your guard down. I would come visit when I can drive. Don't know when but yeah, I will do that. I'll bring Nelson and our walking ATM machine along. Have a good time there and don't let us down! Oh yeah, if you need anyone to talk to, you know where to get me. Ring me up and I'll always be on the other end of the phone lending a ear. God bless you may He shower His blessings upon you.
PS: Today, in the afternoon in school, I wasn't giving you a cold shoulder. My eyes was so dry and tired from all the crying yesterday night. I had to constantly put up my hood to distract people away from my eyes cause it was swelling so much. It was much better in school but I woke up to literally ping pong eyes. And I didn't wanna strike up too much conversation. I might just die. Remember, I love you! <3
And to all the people that isn't named after Ryan Tan. It's something from my heart. Oh yeah, I could be cheesy at times.
Have a great day! :)
