Too awkward

I feel like I need to blog more these days. Jot things down, it's good for my restless mind.

So you know those awkward situations you get? I hate those moments. I hate being awkward when I'm aware that a week ago, being awkward with that particular person was in my dictionary. It NEVER happens when I'm talking to that person.

Relationships are so easily ruin just by words, be it friendships or boy-girl relationships. Shows how much power words carry. I often think that I can just brush it off, you know, live with it. But as time passes, these little actions and words accumulate into a pile and becomes something I cannot live with any longer and I decide to shut it out, both the words and the person that said those words.

And that sucks because you have just lost a best friend. Acquaintance again?

When things change...

Just when I thought everything was going the way it should be, one thing screws up and everything is just back to square one. I blame it on myself, for not being good enough, or maybe the effort I invested just isn't enough. The thing is, when or what is enough? I am at a lost.

I believe everything happens for a reason. Everything that turns out, good or bad, is for His glory and for our good. He knows me best. All I have to do, is look to Him. Ask Him where to go from here.

I am so constantly selfish, only wanting the best for myself. We always assume what is best for us is parallel to what He knows is best for us? And when it screws up, we just give up and blame God for not being there to protect us or guard us or whatever. However most of the time, what WE think is best for us is not necessarily aligned to His will. There are things I've always avoided, assuming that it was His plan and I want it to be manifested in my life, which also is like staying within my comfort zone. Being as human as I am, I start to wander out of that zone, hence making me more vulnerable to fall. And when I fall, I constantly tell myself that have 'fallen' out of his will or plan for my life and I blame myself and God, at the same time.

But what I think is what we are doing is being our own god. We plan things like we are god and expect His plans to go along with our plans. That's not the case. There is a reason for everything. Nothing happens by accident. He already knew what was coming. You see, God can use any situation I am in, for His glory. Everyday He never stops teaching me. He uses my life lessons and teach me to be wiser, but also to run to Him to ask for His wisdom and understanding. His Word is a Lamp unto my feet, and a Light unto my path. So when we fall, yes it might be the cause of sin, but thank God for His grace we are still His beloved.

It sucks, big time. But I know he is doing something, somewhere, for His glory.