Noob!

I so feel like crying right now. I'll blog about events some other time later. I have so much things to cry about. I didn't realize I fell into the same trap again. And no one help me snap out of it. I'm at the lowest. And something/someone smashed up something so fragile that takes me all that hope and faith to paste it back together. I know I was hanging onto false hope. None of those things ever ever existed. Like c'mon. Seriously. I was acting like such a retard. I think that's why Daddy in heaven told me not to or I'll definately hurt myself again. And I understand why. I feel like crap keeping those pictures and keep looking at it, in wishing it will happen. I was stupid ok? I think its all gone. I know I have been like saying this to the people around me but it never happened but please, just help me out. Remind me of 'that' promise and you'll make all that difference in my life.
And to that person somewhere out there, grow up! You're so childish to the extand you hurt me sometimes.


大哥, I miss you! I wish we were still talking. When are you coming back? I'm still holding onto hope that one day, you'll come back to God. I have faith in you. But when? I want you to continue to grow in the Lord like those times. You were a worshipper, you were more than a conquerer, you were that strong warrior I know, and you were that 大哥 I always look up to. But where is that person now? I avoided you because I was scared to be talking to someone totally different. I just can't accept you being like that, because I've been missing you. I want you to know that, I love you so much that I pray for you. I miss those times when you use to drive me to McD's for dinner and pay for my meal and being my chauffer and doing all those small stuff for my that sometimes I take it for granted. Do you still remember, when I was still that small 13 year old girl. Know's nothing about people. I went out for dinner with the YF people and I was the smallest there. When they started bullying me, you were the ONLY one there to defend me? Do you still remember? I still keep that memory dearly because we you always my 大哥 when I needed one. From then on, I had a totally different way of looking at you. I admire you for that. I love you more. Why don't you change? You have all that potential in you and you just let it to waste. Daddy in heaven will be please if you use those potential he had given you for His glory. But why? But you know what? No matter what happens, I know you will always be my 大哥 and no one can take that away from me. I love you no matter what happens. I will be praying for you. I still love you and I miss you!

I wish you can read this.


According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
According to you
I'm difficult,
Hard to please,
Forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress,
Can't show up on time,
Even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
Incredible,
He can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
Irresistible,
Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
So baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you.

According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
You can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
You're the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
Incredible,
He can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
Irresistible,
Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
So baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
Like I'm not hated. oh no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me dizz-ay

Orianthi is like Taylor, she knows how I feel. Throughout all the mistakes I've made, my King Daddy loves me for who I am. Not what according to you!


=)




See what I mean? Heh. Super cool. Wish I could so something like that. Hmm. Maybe I should. You know who I'm writing about right? XD